I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
