Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
