I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
