My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
