I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize