you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
