So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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