i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
