how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
be right there i have to get my cape
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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