i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your cock deserves a montage
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
