I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
