I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
