they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just gargled with NyQuil
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
