I wannas sexs uuuuu
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
