Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
