don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come on in and take your pants off
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