May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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