just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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