Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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