I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
