I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wear drunk well.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
