dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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