This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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