...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
