K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
