there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
