I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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