this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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