i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
