i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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