My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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