My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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