escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
