Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
