Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
