hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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