I'm gonna have a badass scar
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I want is dick and wine.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
