My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
