if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
