Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
