you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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