she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
