I want to make a zoo with you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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