thus making me awesome and them whores
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
