I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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