So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
