My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
