I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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