Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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