I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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