I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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