At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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