You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
