hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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