About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
