At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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