she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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