even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
