why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
