I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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