Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
