When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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