Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
