So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
