I'm jealous of your bromance
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
