dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
