Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
