I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
