you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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