your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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