I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize