Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
