how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
