I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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