You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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